A bar on the mainland- Tuesday night

[notconflicted]

Sia wasn't entirely sure it was the best thing for her to be here, and not just because she was worried about taking a night off from her nonstop terrible job for once. It was just that she and Atton had not had a great year, relationshipwise, and then there'd been an added depression-inducing complication with terrible timing when Sia already wasn't sure how to navigate things yet. She didn't like feeling unsure.

But she was deciding that was background. They were friends, and she worried about him, and she was at least a reason to get him out. Off island, even, to a bar they'd been to before, where Sia asked, "Are you going to roll your eyes if I ask you what I'm drinking tonight?"


[For Atton!]

Comments

[suitably_heroic]

"So first of all," Atton said, slowly, digesting that, "I still came and stayed for you, not because the Force told me to or something, if that's what you thought I was saying."

He needed a moment to gather his thoughts for the rest of it.

[notconflicted]

Not what she expected him to start with, but she nodded. "All right."

[suitably_heroic]

"And... thanks... for believing all of that good stuff about me. I'm glad someone does," Atton offered, "For what it's worth."

Why had he finished his drink so quickly? He could use it right now.

"But whether or not the good stuff is true, what's going on with me right now isn't about that," he said. "It's about how I was supposed to die on Malachor, and she didn't let me. And about how after that, I was supposed to go with her, she even told me that, and she didn't let me. She's dead, and I'm not, because she didn't let me, even though her percentage of good stuff vastly outstrips mine in any galaxy."

[notconflicted]

"And why do you think she didn't let you die?" Sia asked.

[suitably_heroic]

"For some reason, she thought I had potential," Atton said. "She thought I could start my life over, do something good."

A pause. He eyed his empty glass. "And I think she just didn't want to feel another Force bond snap in her life, honestly."

[notconflicted]

Sia slid her half-full glass over to him.

"While that last reason might be selfish, she wasn't wrong in the rest."

[suitably_heroic]

Atton wasn't proud of how quickly he accepted her glass - he wasn't actually that much of a drinker, but difficult topics brought it out of him.

"Sure," he said. "But we would've all been better off if she'd been the one still walking around."

[notconflicted]

"If it was either you or her? I wouldn't have been," Sia pointed out. "Sparkle wouldn't be."

[suitably_heroic]

"I don't know," Atton said honestly. "Sparkle wouldn't have had to babysit some lunk on the floor half the time."

[notconflicted]

"So? He worries, but he isn't complaining. You're supposed to help friends through the harder times, especially when you've been together a while."

She was pretty sure. She was mostly lacking in that department these days, but she was relatively certain that hadn't changed when she wasn't looking.

[suitably_heroic]

"I'm sure he's not complaining, mostly," Atton said. "But that doesn't mean his life wouldn't be easier in some sense. Never mind all the galaxy-saving she probably could've gotten into and what that would've meant for people."

[notconflicted]

"Easier doesn't necessarily mean better," Sia said, and paused. "I used to play the 'what if' game a lot when it came to my father. He was better at the job than me, he'd know what to do better in a situation... And then I realized it didn't help any, because there was never a way to know. If she survived that day, there would have been another mission. Would she have survived that one? Or the next? Living through it wouldn't have changed who she was."

[suitably_heroic]

"No," Atton said. He sipped a drink. "But there'd be a better person out in the galaxy than there is right now."

[notconflicted]

"Which would leave others in a similar situation to yours now," she said.

She was beginning to need a drink of her own again.

[suitably_heroic]

"You don't need me," Atton said quietly. "You're strong. And a much better person than I'll ever be, too."

[notconflicted]

"Yes, I do," she said.

[suitably_heroic]

"I ran off on you for nine months and now that I'm back, all I do is argue with you or bum around like a sad sack," Atton said. "Not that it's not flattering to hear that, and not like I'm not a very attractive sad sack, but..."

[notconflicted]

"I promise I'm not trying to guilt you when I say this," she began, "but the reason those months were so hard was because I needed you. It's also why I forgave it that easily."

There were still plenty of issues there, and it wasn't like it didn't still sting, but having him back around was more important.

[suitably_heroic]

His answer to that probably shouldn't be "Why?", and yet.

[notconflicted]

Her answer came slowly, choosing her words carefully. "You keep me grounded. Always have. You've never cared about what I am, never been afraid to call me out when I'm doing something I shouldn't, and guide me or listen to me when I don't know what to do. I trust you, more than just about anyone, and I know you won't judge, just be honest, and I can be honest right back. You're the one who volunteered to help me for years, and when I finally asked, you came through immediately, without question. And when you're not around... I just miss you."

Ugh, feelings.

[suitably_heroic]

"Oh."

That was probably also one of those things he wasn't supposed to say, but, well. Atton looked a little pole-axed.

[notconflicted]

He'd asked.

Sia shrugged. "So when you think it doesn't matter that you're here, that our lives would be better off without you, I know for a fact that you're wrong."

[suitably_heroic]

Atton sighed and slumped in his seat.

"How about you order the drinks this time?" he said. "So you'll know I'm not running."

[notconflicted]

"We'll end up with more margaritas," Sia warned.

[suitably_heroic]

"Just get us lavender ones, we'll get this figured out," Atton advised.