A bar on the mainland- Saturday evening

[notconflicted]

It had been months since Sia had been able to go out unescorted (even Jessica technically served in a professional capacity), and she only had to go to a whole other galaxy to do it. And the reason why she was here was pretty unexpected after all these months.

She found a table- not the bar since she didn't really want to deal with a bartender as a third party today- and sat down to wait. She wouldn't say she was nervous; maybe wary of how things would go? But if they'd gotten to this point they'd probably be fine.

And if not, she was already in a bar.


[For one!]

Comments

[notconflicted]

"I suppose now it'd be hypocritical of me to say that I'm not sure it's a good idea for me to actually ask them," she realized.

[suitably_heroic]

"You led with that earlier," Atton pointed out. "I'm still game."

[notconflicted]

She took a moment to mentally brace herself, and asked, "Why didn't you want to talk to me in all that time?"

That was the nicer-to-herself version of the question.

[suitably_heroic]

Atton sighed.

He rubbed his forehead as he sank back into his seat.

"The honest answer? Because I don't know how to handle this."

[notconflicted]

The obvious question: "Handle what?"

[suitably_heroic]

Atton took a big gulp of his margarita. Okay: maybe he did need alcohol for this.

"You and me have too much history to just... empty out our coolant pumps and that's it," he said. "But I'm not... equipped to do more, Si. It was... it seemed easier to just avoid the conversation."

You know. The one they were having right now.

[notconflicted]

Yep. Glad they were in a bar for this.

"Quite a bit of that history involves you telling me how not interested in me you are. Unnecessarily, at times. That's not news," Sia said. "I would have preferred to hear that over being avoided."

[suitably_heroic]

"Yes, I spent our entire time in high school doing that because you were like sixteen and I was 21, not because I wasn't interested in you," Atton said. "Space!"

He wasn't sure why that came out so exasperated.

[notconflicted]

Sia blinked, because that wasn't something she was expecting to hear... ever.

And then, after a moment, "Whatever the reasoning, it was effective. And it doesn't matter now anyway."

[suitably_heroic]

Atton shrugged. "Matters here," he said, taking another sip of that drink.

[notconflicted]

"Why?" she asked.

[suitably_heroic]

"We slept together and you don't think it's relevant that the feeling was mutual?" Atton said, blinking.

[notconflicted]

And just like that, what Sia thought she understood about the situation got turned completely upside down.

"I spent the last eight months thinking it wasn't," she said slowly. "That I completely misread things."

[suitably_heroic]

"No, you didn't," Atton said, expelling a long sigh. "I just... can't. Do anything with it."

[notconflicted]

Sia sat back in her seat, trying to process this.

"And why can't you?"

At this point, obviously she had to ask questions instead of making assumptions.

[suitably_heroic]

"Because I'm not wired right," Atton said slowly. "I know you don't want to accept that. But it's true. Someone wrecked all my wires both times on Malachor, or maybe even before, I'm not sure. Maybe it was just... erosion, or something. Time."

He really wished he'd gotten something stronger to drink, now.

"I've been running on empty for a very long time," he said. "Wondering why people kept saving my life. What they were saving it for. Then she came along and showed me why. Now that's all I've got."

He fiddled with the lemon. Figuring he wasn't making much sense. Trying to find better words.

[notconflicted]

Not a lot of sense, no, but she was listening. "What did she show you the why was?"

[suitably_heroic]

"To protect her," Atton said. He smiled wryly, almost grimly-- "Or I guess, protect what she left behind."

[notconflicted]

"""There isn't anything saying you have to give that up," she said.

[suitably_heroic]

"I'm not talking about giving it up or not," Atton said quietly. "I'm saying there isn't any space for anything else in my life right now. Maybe ever. I don't know."

[notconflicted]

Sia nodded, slowly.

"All right. What do you want this to actually be, then?" she asked. "There isn't a wrong answer, I just need to be clear."

It was a different sort of rejection than she was used to, and she hadn't expected any of it, and if she knew what she should expect maybe it would help.

[suitably_heroic]

"I want us to be friends," Atton said, after a pause. "I'd like us to be friends without having to resort to second-guessing or anything, but that might be a while."

[notconflicted]

"Friends with feelings who don't do anything about it," she said, reaching for her drink finally. "It isn't as if we haven't done that before."

Apparently.

"I'm not sure we've left anything to second guess."

[suitably_heroic]

"Who pays the tab at the end of the night?"

It was a poor joke, but he had to joke about something.

[notconflicted]

"I do seem to recall you saying you owed me a drink," she reminded him.

She could go with poor jokes. There was still surprise here, but overall she figured it'd be a good thing.